Mission Report: Supply Run (Team Thomas)

Filed under: Community Operations Log
Assigned by: Thomas Callahan (a.k.a. Commander Buzzkill)
Filed by: Max (age 16, newly upgraded with “magic hands,” which should make this whole supply thing unnecessary)

Mission Overview:
Apparently, despite the fact that I can now light up like a human glow stick and move things around without touching them, we still have to lug around “supplies.” Thomas claims this is “critical infrastructure.” I call it “busywork.”

Two teams were sent out:

• Elara’s team: food, clothing, boring essentials.
• Thomas’s team: equipment. Generators, fuel, radios, heavy stuff. Guess where I ended up?

Team Members:

• Thomas (forever serious, allergic to fun)
• Andrew (quiet, broody, possibly a Jedi)
• A couple others drafted for muscle
• Me (the obvious choice for morale officer)

Key Argument:

Me: “Why do we need radios and generators when I literally have magic hands now?”
Thomas: Because not everyone has magic hands and until they’re taught, we need working lights, heat, and communication. Magic isn’t a shortcut, it’s a responsibility.”
Me (internally): boring.
Me (externally): nodded like I understood.

Highlights:

• Feed store had fuel, tools, and most importantly: an ATV. Clearly destiny wanted me to find it.
• Attempted to argue that my “magic hands” made the ATV redundant. Thomas responded by handing me two gas cans and walking away.
• New quest unlocked: find a trailer so I don’t have to carry said gas cans.

Complications:

• Thomas refuses to acknowledge the ATV as an “official mission asset.”
• Andrew looked at me like he was silently calculating my life expectancy.
• I still don’t understand siphoning gas. How do you get it out without drinking it? (Asking for a friend.)

Status:

Generators: acquired. Radios: acquired. Fuel: acquired. ATV: technically acquired (don’t tell Thomas). Trailer: pending. Morale: high (mine).

Conclusion:

Magic hands should have solved this. Thomas says supplies buy us “time to teach others.” Fine. But when the history books are written, I expect one sentence that reads: “The first supply run succeeded because Max found the quad.”

Filed under duress,
Max

Addendum to Mission Report (Filed by Max)

Filed by: Thomas Callahan

Fore the record:

1. On “magic hands.”
   Max does indeed show early signs of magical aptitude. That does not mean we can forgo generators, fuel, or radios. As explained (several times), not everyone has developed control yet, and these supplies give us time to train without risking lives in the dark.
2. On the ATV.
   While technically functional, the quad was not a designated target. It was discovered, not “acquired,” and will not be considered an “official mission asset” until I verify it can run safely.
3. On siphoning fuel.
   Despite Max’s description, no one asked him to drink gasoline. He was shown a proper method and promptly distracted by his “side quest.”
4. On record-keeping.
   While Max’s submission is… colorful, it is not acceptable as the sole documentation of a critical mission. Future reports will be cross-checked for accuracy before entering the archives.

__

Filed with exasperation,
Thomas Callahan